The Amazing Super-Ultra-Ultra Magnum!
Compiled by Adam S. Gubar
It was a perfect day, not too cold and very little wind. I had been stalking a beautiful ten point buck through the Appalachian hills all morning and now he was in my sights. I checked my range finder - 127 feet and only 2 degrees down angle. I adjusted my scope and leveled my rifle. I could see through the scope that the antler's bases were as big around as my fists. Containing my excitement and anticipation, I steadied my breathing and slowly pulled the trigger. The crack of my 7mm Remington Magnum shattered the quiet day as the bullet sailed down range.
That beautiful buck . . . just continued to graze! What? I couldn't have missed! I peered through the scope and found my shot nestled in the fur of the animal's flank. Whitetail deer are tough!
That week I ran to my local gun store and bought a shiny new 7mm RUM. I was determined to get that buck.
Saturday morning I hiked back out into the woods and found my prize from last weekend. Ranged at only 101 feet this time, I flicked off the safety and smiled as the trigger released and the bullet whizzed down range at over 3400 feet per second.
Following my bullet's path, I watched as it bounced off the side of the deer! My quarry flinched as though bitten by a fly and went back to cropping grass!
Unbelievable, you say? These whitetails are not easy prey. Centuries of being shot with rifles of ever increasing power and caliber have rendered their hides thicker than an elephant's and harder than steel. I needed more power!
I went back to my gun shop and traded in my 7mm RUM for a Weatherby .30-378. Surely the larger .308" bullet moving at a lighting fast 3500 feet per second would fell this beast.
Again, I ventured out into the backcountry to find that prize buck. There he was, this time only 78 feet away, taunting me like an Abrams tank with his tough hide. I gritted my teeth and thought, "I'll show you," as I aimed my new rifle and fired.
A sheet of flame erupted from the muzzle brake and my ears rang as the blast ripped the morning. I found myself growling with frustration, as the bullet bounced off the buck's hide. Startled, he skittered off into the brush without even so much as an ouch. At last, I realized what I had to do.
A quick search online found all the handloading equipment I required. A wink and a handshake from a friend at the National Guard armory later and I had a handful of 30x173mm rounds from the Avenger Gatling gun of an A-10 Thunderbolt.
I started my lathe and turned down the depleted uranium penetrator from the armour piercing round to a reasonable .308" (7.62mm) caliber. Having necked down the 30mm cases to take .308 bullets, I carefully loaded them with 2,175 grains of the most powerful powder I could find. With stainless ordinance steel barrels made by a local machine shop, I built myself the perfect double rifle. I figured that buck might need a fast follow-up shot if it decided to charge. Once the 6-18x54mm scope was mounted, I was ready for the weekend.
I found my deer. He stood there in a clearing not 25 feet away munching on a small shrub, arrogant in his belief no bullet could pierce him. I brought my creation to bear, steadied against the weight of the 65 pound double, breathed once and pulled the rear trigger. KABLAM! I picked myself up off the ground just in time to see that trophy buck jump three feet in the air as the bullet struck and take off into the brush, leaving a blood trail behind.
After gathering my wits, I followed the trail a few hundred yards to where the magnificent beast lay. A perfect shot, right through the pump. And there was my bullet, neatly lodged just beneath the hide on the opposite flank! Tough, indeed!
Evolution is a cruel mistress. Nowhere is this more apparent than in the ever-thickening hides of North American deer. It is for this very reason that I proudly introduce to the world the ultimate "30-30" for the well equipped hunter's gun cabinet, the .30-30mm Super-Ultra-Ultra Magnum! This seven inch monster is capable of bringing down even a trophy buck at short to medium range. Its 735 grain, lathe-turned, depleted uranium bullet has a moderate 1.107 Sectional Density for penetration and a Ballistic Coefficient of .659 to ensure flat trajectory. The 2,175 grains of powder push this little gem down range at over 66,000 feet per second with more than seven million ft. lbs. of kinetic energy. Recoil is a stiff, but manageable, 10,000 ft. lbs. With a slight adjustment to stance and a decent recoil pad, the average shooter shouldn't notice more than a strong push.
Bullet Diameter - .284 (7mm)
Case Material - Aluminum
Maximum Case Length - 6.8110" (173mm)
Rim Diameter - 1.791" (43.88mm)
Rim Thickness - 0.179" (4.39mm)
Head Diameter - 1.779" (43.58mm)
Shoulder Diameter - 1.636" (40.08mm)
Neck Diameter - 0.315" (8.0 mm)
Overall Cartridge Length - 7.878" (193mm)
Barrel Twist - 1 turn in 33.3"
Primer Type - M32A6 Percussion
Maximum Average Pressure - 120,000 psi
Range testing of the .30-30mm SUUM delivered incredible 0.25 MOA groups. At 1,000 yards, 10 shot groups measured 1.3 inches in gale force winds.
For sissy shooters worried about developing a flinch, a "managed recoil" version of the full power load is also available. This mild little kitten will still produce a muzzle velocity of almost 50,000 feet per second, while delivering only 8,000 ft. lbs. of recoil energy.
Such a revolutionary new cartridge requires a new rifle. Production Double rifles are now available for the .30-30mm SUUM with lavish AAA grade laminated hardwood stocks and custom engravings with platinum inlays. Weighing-in at a svelte 64.5 pounds, they are supplied with a complementary wheelbarrow-mounted bipod for steady shooting. Suitable for small to medium size game out to 100 yards, the new .30-30mm SUUM is available at a fine artillery store near you.
For the avid pistol hunter, look for a three-shot revolver based on the GE heavy electric autocannon action. Coming to sport shops everywhere this Holiday Season!
Copyright 2011 by Adam S. Gubar and/or chuckhawks.com. All rights reserved.