HOW TO FIGHT TERRORISM--BE CREATIVE!

By John Rauzon


My first solution to international terrorism is simple. Nuke the whole lot of them and let Allah sort out the ashes. If that would be ecologically unsound, then I have a second treatment to recommend.

That solution would first begin in Arkansas. This fine state is the home of the Razorbacks, and not surprisingly they also have an abundance of pork livestock. The government would purchase all of the fine fat porkers available at the moment. Next, a supply of mineral oil must be acquired.

Then this porcine livestock (along with an allotment of mineral oil) would be loaded onto long range USAF C-17's fitted with the proper means to deplane their loads in flight. Once they are fully loaded the planes fly to Kabul, and any other priority targets in Afghanistan. There the planes deliver their loads, from high altitude for the most dramatic effect. A bomber group should follow, to carpet-bomb the pig pelted areas with high explosives and spread the, ah, devastation.

After this attack, the radio and television news would broadcast the following warning: "If another incident of fundamentalist Islamic terrorism occurs anywhere in the world, Mecca and Medina will be next for the porker treatment." This would make it the responsibility of all the various Moslem sects to control their brothers.

Oh, yeah, the mineral oil--that's for the porkies flight sickness. It's just to add to the effect. When taken internally it causes violent diarrhea; we wouldn't want porky to be constipated when he lands. Shock value is important to terrorists!




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Copyright 2001 by John Rauzon. All rights reserved.



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