Matches Cause Arson!

By Schuyler Barnum

As we all know, the United States has a major arson problem. It's in the thousands upon tens of thousands of cases a year! We clearly have a much larger number of arsons per year than almost any other country in the world! (Ignore the 300,000,000 population of the USA.)

We here at Guns and Shooting Online, in the spirit of the Violence Policy Center and the Brady Center, have come up with an answer to why there is so much arson in this country: Matches. Matches cause arson, and we know this for a fact. We have come up with two new laws in order to prevent future arson:

  1. Assault Matches Ban - This would ban cosmetic differences in matches in order to make our country safer. Banned matches would include matches with a length of over 3" and any match that is waterproof. Quite clearly there is no use for a civilian to own such powerful assault matches! They should be strictly regulated in order to preserve liberty in our country!

  2. National Matches Act - This would create several new things. First off, there would be the Federal Bureau of Matches. Special licenses to regulate matches would be enacted in order to protect the civilians of our nation from arson. All matches also would have to be registered in a national registry in order to track down criminals.

Obviously, since these proposals are modeled directly on VPC and Brady Center initiatives, they must be right for America! So, think of the children! Restrict match ownership today!

Back to the General Firearms & Shooting Page

Copyright 2007 by Schuyler Barnum. All rights reserved.