Sarcastic (but appropriate) Answers to Stupid Questions

Collected by the Guns and Shooting Online Staff

Okay, we admit it; sometimes we are wise-guys. However, if your local liberals learn that you are a gun owner, shooter or hunter, you are likely to hear some really stupid questions and comments about guns and hunting. Sometimes the temptation to employ a little sarcasm becomes too tempting to resist. Here are some pithy answers to dumb questions/statements that we have heard. Use at your own risk.

Gun Ownership

Q: "Blah, blah, blah . . .." (Long anti-gun/anti-hunting tirade)

A: Save your breath, you'll need it to blow-up your date.

Q: "Call 911 in an emergency!"

A: The average response time of a 911 call is 23 minutes; the response time of a .357 Magnum is 1450 feet per second.

Q: "Don�t you understand that guns kill people?"

A: Actually, it's the bullets.

Q: "Gun owners are compensating for something!"

A: Yes, I am compensating for the fact that I am older and weaker than most violent criminals.

Q: "How can you justify owning guns?"

A: I'd like to explain it to you, but I don't have any crayons.

Q: "I see you have your pistol. Are you expecting trouble?"

A: No, if I were expecting trouble, I would have brought my shotgun.

Q: "I think you must be paranoid if you own a gun."

A: Nonsense! If you have a gun, what do you have to be paranoid about?

Q: "Why do you carry a .45?"

A: Because they don't make a .46.

Q: "Why do you carry a gun?"

A: My flamethrower is out of napalm.

Q: "Why do you carry a gun?" (2)

A: Because a whole cop would be too heavy.

Gun Rights

Q: "Guns should be banned!"

A: I wasn't born with enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel.

Q: "How do you interpret the Second Amendment?"

A: I don't. It's written in English, just read it.

Q: "Will you debate the Second Amendment?"

A: Sorry, I refuse to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed person


Q: "How do you justify hunting?"

A: I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.

Q: "How can you kill Bambi?"

A: Aim carefully and squeeze the trigger.

Q: "Why do you go hunting?"

A: To visit the peaceful woods, see beautiful animals and kill them.

Q: "Why do you hunt deer?"

A: They don't sell tags for politicians.


Q: "Eating meat is bad for you!"

A: "Vegetarian" is ancient tribal slang for the village idiot who can't hunt or fish.

Q: "You should eat more vegetables."

A: Vegetables are what food eats.


Q: "I belong to PETA!"

A: Me, too . . . People Eating Tasty Animals.

Q: "Why did you miss the meeting?"

A: The voices told me to stay home and clean my guns.

Q: "How the heck do I log-in?"

A: There are instructions that answer that question at the top of every G&S Online Member Side index page; you might consider reading them before asking for help.

NOTE: If you've heard any good ones lately, e-mail them to us at Guns and Shooting Online and we'll add them to this article.

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