Sarcastic (but appropriate) Answers to Stupid Questions
Collected by the Guns and Shooting Online Staff
Okay, we admit it; sometimes we are wise-guys. However, if your local liberals learn that you are a gun owner, shooter or hunter, you are likely to hear some really stupid questions and comments about guns and hunting. Sometimes the temptation to employ a little sarcasm becomes too tempting to resist. Here are some pithy answers to dumb questions/statements that we have heard. Use at your own risk.
Q: "Blah, blah, blah . . .." (Long anti-gun/anti-hunting tirade)
A: Save your breath, you'll need it to blow-up your date.
Q: "Call 911 in an emergency!"
A: The average response time of a 911 call is 23 minutes; the response time of a .357 Magnum is 1450 feet per second.
Q: "Don�t you understand that guns kill people?"
A: Actually, it's the bullets.
Q: "Gun owners are compensating for something!"
A: Yes, I am compensating for the fact that I am older and weaker than most violent criminals.
Q: "How can you justify owning guns?"
A: I'd like to explain it to you, but I don't have any crayons.
Q: "I see you have your pistol. Are you expecting trouble?"
A: No, if I were expecting trouble, I would have brought my shotgun.
Q: "I think you must be paranoid if you own a gun."
A: Nonsense! If you have a gun, what do you have to be paranoid about?
Q: "Why do you carry a .45?"
A: Because they don't make a .46.
Q: "Why do you carry a gun?"
A: My flamethrower is out of napalm.
Q: "Why do you carry a gun?" (2)
A: Because a whole cop would be too heavy.
Q: "Guns should be banned!"
A: I wasn't born with enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel.
Q: "How do you interpret the Second Amendment?"
A: I don't. It's written in English, just read it.
Q: "Will you debate the Second Amendment?"
A: Sorry, I refuse to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed person
Q: "How do you justify hunting?"
A: I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
Q: "How can you kill Bambi?"
A: Aim carefully and squeeze the trigger.
Q: "Why do you go hunting?"
A: To visit the peaceful woods, see beautiful animals and kill them.
Q: "Why do you hunt deer?"
A: They don't sell tags for politicians.
Q: "Eating meat is bad for you!"
A: "Vegetarian" is ancient tribal slang for the village idiot who can't hunt or fish.
Q: "You should eat more vegetables."
A: Vegetables are what food eats.
Q: "I belong to PETA!"
A: Me, too . . . People Eating Tasty Animals.
Q: "Why did you miss the meeting?"
A: The voices told me to stay home and clean my guns.
Q: "How the heck do I log-in?"
A: There are instructions that answer that question at the top of every G&S Online Member Side index page; you might consider reading them before asking for help.
NOTE: If you've heard any good ones lately, e-mail them to us at Guns and Shooting Online and we'll add them to this article.
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